Forgiveness is an act of kindness to ourselves

We often think that if we forgive someone for something they have done to us, we accept their behavior and permit them to keep behaving that way.

But forgiveness is separate from acceptance. It is not permission or an excuse.

We do not have to accept the behavior of someone to forgive them.

Acceptance of someone’s behavior isn’t standing by them as they continue with the hurtful behavior to you or other people. 

On the other hand, forgiveness can be given without you ever telling them. Forgiveness is about you and your energetic connection to an event or person.

By forgiving, you cut the tether that ties your energy to theirs. You cut the tether that leaks your energy into someone who may not deserve it, and you give yourself more energy for yourself and the people in your life that are supportive and helpful.

It’s important to point out that you don’t have to forgive anyone. And you don’t have to do it right away. You are allowed your time and space to forgive in your own time.

We often block ourselves from looking at the hurt by holding a grudge or anger at a person because we’re using it to hold a boundary from letting them hurt us again. Boundaries are good. But when it’s safe, and you can separate yourself from the situation, forgiveness can give you back your life.

The other person will or will not change their behavior. That is not up to you. You can control how much energy you will let it take from you.

It’s helpful when we’re ready to forgive to look at all sides of the situation. You may ask yourself questions such as:

• What lesson did you learn from this situation/person?

• What did you learn about yourself and your boundaries?

• Did they learn from the experience?

• Can you thank them (energetically) for the experience and an opportunity to grow? 

• Can we hold compassion for the place that the person who hurt you is in?

• Were they doing the best with what they had at the time?

Journaling about the questions above may help you to get clarity around whether it’s time to allow yourself to forgive them.  Also, consider if there is self-forgiveness that is due. You may also ask yourself:

• Do I blame myself for the situation? Is there anything within myself that needs forgiving?

• What boundary might have helped me avoid that situation? (Please note this is not suggesting you were to blame.)

• What would you do differently if faced with this person/situation again?

• Is there something that would be helpful for the version of you that was hurt to hear? i.e., If it was years ago, what would that younger version of yourself need to hear to feel supported then?

You don’t have to wait until the end of your life to look back at all the grudges or pain you’re holding to release them. Do it now. Free up the energy you deserve to do beautiful things with your life.

When a Manifestor forgives and lets go of their anger, they have more energy to bring new things into creation. The world needs you to initiate new ideas and concepts.

When a Generator or Manifesting Generator lets go of the hurt and frustration with a person/situation, they have more energy free to say YES to the things that light up their Sacral. The world needs you to build, engage, love, and care for the world and people around you. (Not care-taking that moves into people pleasing or martyrdom, though, please 🙂).

When a Projector forgives, the bitterness fades. They become more well-resourced and open to new invitations as people will see you for you, not just the bitterness you’re holding around unforgiveness. The world needs your unique view of the world, but you must lift the veil of bitterness to see clearly.

When a Reflector forgives, they allow themselves to be in the correct environment and not mirror the behavior that hurt them. Their disappointment fades, freeing them up to see the world clearly and allowing them to find the environments that best support and delight them.

The world needs the gift you are.

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