Episode 22 - Emotions Through the Lens of Human Design

Transcript

Hi friends, and welcome back. Today we are talking about emotions through the lens of human design, and this is one of my favorite topics in human design. I think that we have such a limited perspective on emotions that we get caught up in identifying with the emotions in our everyday life. And human design comes in and tells us that there's another way to look at it.

And I really appreciate this view and I find that my clients really. Understand themselves and their kids and their families much better when they understand this piece of their chart in human design.

So when we look at a human design chart, we want to see if somebody is emotionally defined or undefined. You can find this by looking at the triangle that is down to the right. It's the furthest one out on the right, on the towards the bottom of the chart. In a traditional chart, it's usually brown in color, but depending on the software that you use, it could be any color.

If it's colored in in any color, then that means it's defined. If it's white, that means it's undefined.

when the center is defined, it means that you are somebody who has an emotional wave that you were continuously feeling through. Every day, 24 hours a day, you are in some part of this wave. This wave can extend over hours, days, weeks, months, or it can be much shorter. It just really depends on the person and the life that they live.

It also depends on what type of. Emotional wave they have. So there are three main types of emotional waves, and we'll go over those in just a minute. But what I want to share about the defined emotional person is that this is not something that they can control. They're always going to be in some part of their wave and there's nothing wrong with it.

But sometimes when you are somebody who feels so deeply, who is always in some part of your emotional wave, there can be. A stigma attached to you that you were a very emotional person. And yes, we are all emotional people. We all respond through emotions. Emotions are a very important part of our lives, but there's nothing wrong with this.

It's just learning to understand what is the emotional wave that you carry, or what are the waves that you carry because you can have more than one. And how do you support yourself so that you're taking care of yourself? So that. Those emotions aren't spilling out onto other people when they really need to be managed more internally.

And by that I mean with each emotional wave, there is a need. There is something that you are needing. And if you are not speaking up for that, or if you are not setting clear boundaries, then these emotional waves can reach these peaks and valleys where there is an explosion or a disappointment or. Just a really low part of the wave and it, it feels really intense.

Okay, so the first wave that we wanna look at is the tribal wave. The tribal wave is defined by the channels 19 49, 37 40, and the 59 6. So if you have any of these channels colored in on your chart, In any color, then that means you have a tribal wave. The tribal wave works in a ratcheting type of motion.

And it's interesting because you know, a lot of time these people have a very, even temperament, there's not a whole lot of emotional outbursts, but behind the scenes there's this ratcheting motion that's kind of taking place and when needs are not met. It ratchets up one notch at a time. And it can be that simple little thing like somebody loading the dishwasher, quote unquote incorrectly, that sets this off.

And there's an explosion. There's a outburst of some sort. And the part that's interesting to me about this, and this is a way that I have too, so I really understand this one, is that the person who carries this wave, You know it, it's these little things are happening. There's some annoyances. You kind of let it go, and then one thing sets you off.

And when you get set off and you have that explosion, you're oftentimes, it's an explosion of frustration or anger or something that is actually setting a boundary. It's like this boundary has been crossed, this boundary's been crossed, and finally now I'm speaking up for it. And when that happens, the person who carries this wave actually.

Feels better, right? So the explosion happens. They feel all of this pressure that they've had release and now they feel better. But the the unfortunate part is that if they don't understand this about themselves and they are exploding in front of people or to other people or at other people, it can create a lot of emotional fallout, especially if you are around people who are emotionally undefined.

And I'll explain more about why that would be later, but you know, there is this. Element of the person who has the emotional wave explodes feels better. Everyone else wants to avoid that person. And so there's this conflict now of how do we be in relationship with this? Because we don't want to alienate the people around us.

We don't want to explode at them, but we also need to have our needs met. So how do we do that? With this wave, it's all about need. What are the needs that you have? What are the things that are most important to you or the people that you care most about? Because remember, this is a tribal wave. So this is about what do, what do my people, what does my community need?

What do I need to support my community? And so if you are not speaking up for what you need, this wave can get set off more often. If you are not setting good boundaries and people are crossing those boundaries because you haven't spoken up about them, that's a need that is not being met.

And that can also set off this, this emotional wave. So being really clear on what it is that you need and what your boundaries are and speaking into them can really be a way of managing this wave a little bit more so that you don't have to feel so emotionally. Like you're on a roller coaster, you know, it feels like it's out of control.

It's just happening to you. You really can take more control of this by listening to what you need, speaking up for it, and telling those around you what you need.

Okay? The second wave is the individual wave. This is channels 39 55 and channel 2212. So if you have either of these colored in on your chart, You have a individual wave and with these channels, when I say if you have this or that, it, it really is, you don't have to have both of them or all three of them in each group to be emotionally defined and have that, that wave.

It's just one of these channels will create that for you. So the individual wave is a different wave. It actually is another one that is pretty even keel most of the time. But it will have sudden spikes up and sudden spikes down. And usually these don't last typically a very long time, but when they do hit, they are very intense.

So somebody who has this emotional wave and is in a high, you know, when that high hits, it feels like everything is wonderful. They want to commit to everything. They jump in, they, take on things that they wouldn't normally. They feel like they have all the energy to do all the things, and they're excited about it.

But when that wave comes back down, then they start to feel like, oh my gosh, what have I committed to? How do I get out of this? And so there's, there's some remorse that can kind of come with this wave too. And actually with any of the waves, when we jump in on the emotional highs and we commit to things that we don't actually really wanna do when we've had time to sit with it, then we realize.

I was in a, an emotional high and now I, I want out of this, but how do I get out of it? And then that can create more issues. So understanding your wave can be really important because then you understand why it's important to wait out the wave to make decisions for yourself that are going to impact more than you know the next few minutes, because that's something you're going to have to either live with or deal with, or correct in the future.

So this wave is an individual wave and it means that it is a mutative energy. So this energy, when it is really felt, it is the energy that creates. Mm, it creates art, it creates music, it creates the things that make us feel. There's a very, very creative element to this because it is here to change the way.

We experience the world, any mutative individual energy is going to change the way that we relate to the world. So when this wave crashes into the lows, these lows can feel very intense. There's a, a melancholy to it where it feels like, oh my gosh, am I ever going to come out of this? I don't wanna do anything.

I just wanna be left alone. And so understanding that, you know, maybe you need a day when you're in this low, where you just take care of yourself. You, you know, be by yourself, you or, or you surround yourself with people if that's really what you need. But understanding what it is that you need is important.

do you best relate when you have a low of this wave? What makes you feel best? What makes you feel supported? And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone when you're in the low of the wave. Not wanting to talk to people, wanting to maybe binge Netflix for the day or whatever it is. You know, taking care of yourself, taking time in nature.

Journaling or just not being very energetic is also okay. You know, take the time that you have with the luxury that you have, if you have that luxury not all of us do, and so it's important to recognize that, you know, sometimes we have to get up and keep going to work even when we're in this low. And so

how can we support ourselves in that? And also on the other side of this, now knowing about this wave, if you don't carry this emotional wave, when you see this in others, how can you have more grace for them? How can you understand that? Maybe they are somebody who carries an emotional individual wave , and they're in a low and they just need some time and space.

How can we create that for them?

I think that this is the wave that really makes me feel like it's important to choose your language very carefully. And it's true with all of these and with all emotions and for everybody, but this one in particular because those lows can can hit and it can be so low. This is where we hear people say things like, I'm depressed, I'm sad.

And I really think that it's important that we choose the language carefully of how we identify to our emotions. So when we say I am something, we are creating that reality. We are saying, I am sad. I am a sad person. And that's not true. We feel sad. We feel. Sad today, we feel sad this week. We feel sad in response to something, but that doesn't make us a sad person.

That makes us a person who feels sad. So I think that we need to be really careful in the language we use, not just with ourselves, but when we're talking to others. You know, are you sad? Well, what if we said, are you feeling sad? You know, I think that that changes the perspective a lot. Then we start to realize, okay, this is a feeling and it's temporary.

I don't have to get stuck here. And when I say this, I wanna be really careful because I think that, you know, there are biochemical processes that that don't allow us to climb out of those lows sometimes on our own. And I want to recognize that that is real. And this is excluding that this is just talking about human design emotions.

It's not talking about. Every emotional response that we have and, and the biochemical process behind it, because the human design chart doesn't tell us everything, right? So we may have one of these waves and we may have a diagnosis of clinical depression, and that is different, right? You have layers.

These are different layers that we are working with. But if we can understand this, then we can understand maybe how these emotions work under the surface. At some level, and is there a support that we can bring in? Or how can we choose to be in relationship with these emotions in a different way where we are able to do so?

Okay, so the third emotional wave is the collective wave. These are channels 41, 30 and 36, 35. These waves are built. Out of the pressure of the root center from Gate 41 and Gate 41 has a lot of imagination to it. And so when you think about this wave, it is built on imagination. Imagination creates fantasy.

Imagination creates new things in the world. It dreams up new possibilities. And so when we have one of these, or both of these channels in our chart, We build through this pressure, the expectation. So this wave is built on expectation. We expect that things are going to become, we expect that things are going to be a certain way, and we see this a lot with kids who say things like they're really excited for something, and they start building something up in their mind.

And if that thing doesn't happen, then they crash into the low of their wave. When they crash to the low, they can spend quite a bit of time there. You know, depending on the person, but they can spend quite a bit of time there saying things like, I shouldn't get my hopes up. I never should have even tried.

I don't know why I bother. And you may find that yourself or other adults say these things too, if they have these emotional waves because if you don't understand this, if you don't know that this is here you do, you expect that things are going to. Be great or maybe they're gonna be disappointing, but when they do not meet the expectations that you have, this wave crashes and it can feel pretty, pretty low for a while.

If you have a child, for example, who has this wave, this is an important one to use. Language like will try or you know, I'm thinking about doing this, but it's not a promise, it's not for sure. You know, being really clear that you are not. Promising that you're going to do the thing. So as an example that I like to use, you know, a family may be sitting around the dinner table talking about how another family went to Disneyland recently, and it would be really fun to go and we should do that sometime.

Well, a child who has this emotional wave may hear that as we are going to Disneyland and maybe a couple weeks go by and the child starts talking more about Disneyland. Parents don't really connect it, and then all of a sudden they're like, when are we going to Disneyland? And the parents say, well, we're not going to Disneyland.

And the child says, but I thought you said that we were, or you said that we were. Because that is built on those expectations. When they aren't met now, that child is going to have that kind of meltdown where it's like huge disappointment because they expected. That's what was going to happen, because that's what they heard.

You know, it's not that they are intentionally creating these fantasies, it's just that there is an element to this emotional wave that creates that expectation. So being really careful about your language in, in all of these is, is super important. Okay? So if you have an emotionally defined center, that means that you have at least one of these emotional waves.

Now, you can have one wave, two waves, three waves, four waves. Like you can have a bunch of 'em in your chart. But there are three main types. So if you have all three types, You may have all of these elements overlapping. You may have that ratcheting wave, you may have that sudden highs and lows of the individual wave, and you may also have the wave that's built on expectation.

So for you, it's gonna be really important to learn to track these at least initially, so that you can kind of differentiate and pull out, you know, what is it that I'm feeling and where in my wave do I think that I am? And maybe you can track over time. How often these waves are in the lows and highs, and that can give you a better idea and understanding of why you feel the way you do it doesn't mean that you're going to control it.

It doesn't mean that you're going to change it drastically, but if you can understand what's happening, how you relate to it can change. Okay, so let's talk about the undefined emotional person. So this is somebody. Who has this emotional center white on their chart means that they can have gates that are activated off of it, but there's no channel connecting it to another center that's colored in or defined.

And so when you have this open, you are a true emotional empath. You are feeling everybody's emotions, you are feeling everything around you. So every person who walks into a room, A defined emotional center and has that emotional wave, you are going to feel that they don't have to speak, they don't have to say anything.

But just them walking in with that energy brings that energy into your field. You amplify it. And because you are not meant to hold these energies for a long time in your body, You can then take it and amplify it and then send it back out into the world. So this is where, you know, you might be sitting in a room reading a book, feeling totally fine by yourself, and then somebody comes in and all of a sudden you're irritated or you're frustrated, and then you start picking at them and you start, you know, provoking them in some way.

And then all of a sudden there's an argument that's happening or there's tension and it wasn't there before, and you don't understand where it came from. Well, this person who just walked in, they may be processing something on their own. They may not have anything to share with you, but because they carry this emotional wave and they're in some part of their wave, feeling something, that's what you're picking up on.

You're amplifying it and sending it back out into the world. And when you do, it creates tension or conflict in a relationship at times, if you're not aware of it. so the undefined emotional person feels in response to something. It is an external or internal stimulus that they feel in response to.

So like I mentioned, somebody walking into a room with an emotional wave is an external stimulus that they respond to. A conflict with somebody is an external stimulus that they respond to, but you can also have internal. Responses. And so this is, you know, if you are grieving or if you are frustrated in response to a job you're working on, or you're frustrated with your kids or you're mad at somebody, you feel those things, those are real.

Those are your emotions. It doesn't mean that you don't have emotions. If you have this center undefined, it means that you feel in response to things, and that means that you get to choose how you process that. How you stay in that or move through it is really up to you in a lot of ways. So, you know, figuring out what it is that you need to support yourself in that is really important.

And it's gonna be a little bit different than the emotionally defined person. But those, those themes overlap, right? Like, those are all human emotions. Those are all human responses. We all have boundaries that are crossed. We all have needs that are not met. We all have things that we don't speak up about.

We all have expectations and we all feel sad sometimes. We all feel really happy sometimes. So identifying what it is for you that you're feeling is really important, and then checking in and saying, is this mine? Is this something that I am relating to in my life? Or does this feel like it came out of the blue?

And if it came out of the blue, then look around you and say, where might this be coming from? Whose emotions might these be? Because they don't feel like they're mine. And if they're not yours, let 'em go. It's, it's not yours to do anything with unless you've been invited or asked to weigh in or support that person.

You can always check in with somebody, of course, like, are you feeling okay? Do you wanna talk about anything? You know, depending if you're talking to, , a generator, manifesting generator or the non sacral types, like, ask those yes, no questions or those open-ended questions. Invite them to talk, but don't expect them to.

And if they don't wanna process it, and you are still feeling really bothered by the emotion that it's really triggering or that you just can't feel peaceful in your body, this is an opportunity to get up and leave. Do something different. Move yourself out of their AIC space and get away from their aura so that you can recenter yourself.

Time in nature is really important. Putting your feet on the ground is also really important. Meditating, journaling, whatever it is for you that makes you feel grounded and back in your body is really important if you are emotionally undefined. The other thing that I'll say about the emotionally undefined person is that there is a tendency in the low expression of this, if you were not aware of what this is to.

End up kind of people pleasing. And the reason is because you are feeling not only, you're feeling, not only your emotions, but you're also anticipating the emotions of the other person. So if there's a conflict or something that you wanna speak up about, there's a boundary you need to set or a need, you need met.

You don't want to speak about it. You know that creates some tension for you, but you may not speak up about it because you know that if you do, the other person is going to have an emotional response and you are gonna feel that emotional response in an amplified way. So now you're not only feeling your emotions, but you're anticipating and you're feeling the other person's emotions Plus, You may feel that that person is now disappointed or sad or frustrated with you, and that doesn't feel good either.

So understanding that, you know, only part of these emotions are yours, you are only responsible for what is yours. And when you speak your truth and you speak kindly to somebody, when you set a boundary, when you speak up for your needs, if you are doing an out of kindness, you know, you can't take responsibility for the other person's response.

We all get to choose how we respond to a situation, to a relationship, to a conversation. And when we let the other person have that ability to respond in the way that they choose, that they need to, we give them their power back. But when we say, I don't want you to be sad, what can I do to make it different?

We, we kind of take that away from them. We take away their ability to process. We take away their ability to feel and be with whatever that emotion is, and we take away the lesson in some instances of, of what they may be getting out, of being sad or mad or whatever it is in response to the conversation, the boundary you set, or the need that you have.

, so remember, if you are an undefined, emotional person, it's not just your feelings that you are feeling when you walk into a room and your mood suddenly changes, it's probably not about you. Probably someone in that room who has an emotionally defined wave and they are just moving through something.

learn to put that protective bubble around yourself. You know, the way that I kind of envision this is if you've ever seen, which I assume. The majority of people at this point probably have the Wizard of Oz. Glenda, the good witch, floats in on her magic bubble, and this bubble is protective around her.

And so when you are an emotional empath, it's important to create that bubble in whatever way that looks for you. And it's like, imagine just blowing this bubble out so that you have space around you where nothing can touch you. And when you are in your bubble, all you feel is your own emotions. It doesn't mean that you can't.

Tap into other people's emotions, but you do it consciously. And so this is an important piece of creating the bubble, is that when you create the bubble, make sure that you are able to take the bubble down. So there's this wall, right? The bubble is a wall. And if you create that wall too strongly, you never let other people's feelings and emotional experiences in, and you do kind of miss out on a lot of life that way.

So be careful that. You don't make the wall too strong, but make sure that you can bring it down intentionally and also put it up intentionally so that you can protect yourself. Okay? So if you have two emotional empaths two undefined people and they come home and nobody in their home has a emotional wave, but there's something kind of going back and forth between you, you're just kind of picking at each other or provoking one another.

If there's an opportunity there to look at, did this come from us or did we bring this home with us from someone? Was somebody else in my environment upset and now I feel icky and I'm trying to get rid of it because again, my body doesn't want to hold this for very long, so I'm trying to process and release it.

if you can't figure out where it comes from easily, I mean, it doesn't have to be a big investigation, right? If you know where it comes from, great. Then you can choose to consciously let it go. If you don't, then just leave the room. You two need to separate physically so that your auras get space and time alone, and those emotions can drop.

Once they're dropped, they're gone, right? They're not yours, so there's nothing there. But if you don't do that, you can ping pong these emotions back and forth all night long, and it creates more conflict in the relationship. So know that when you are on your own, You know, you're pretty emotionally even unless you were responding to something personally.

So if there is something between you and this other person that is being provoked, you know, between the relationship, there's an opportunity to talk about it. But if it's not, then choose to let it go. Get out of each other's space and give each other, you know, 20 minutes and reconnect and see if it's gone.

If it's not, takes some more time. If you have two defined emotionally people, then you have two people have at least one wave each. They may have more. And this can create an interesting dynamic because you both have your emotional waves that you're moving through. So what I see is that people who are emotionally defined, They tend to be less affected by other people's emotions.

Like they feel them, , they experience them. They may not like them, may not wanna be around those emotions, but they understand them. It's like, oh, this person is mad. Okay, that's fine. Whatever. They're doing their thing. As long as they haven't been conditioned to take that as something that they did wrong.

So there can be conditioning here that makes you feel like, oh, this is my fault. And then there's an opportunity to look at how do you decondition from that? If not, then what I see is that people who are emotionally defined, kind of just let the other person work through whatever they're working through, let them move through that emotion in whatever way that they need, and everything tends to go a bit smoother.

But again, those conditioning factors can create a lot of conflict there as well. So just pay attention to what's true for you and your relationships and see where that goes. If you have one emotionally defined person and one undefined person, remember the undefined person is the empath, they're going to amplify the other person's emotional wave.

So it may always feel like there are some intense emotions around this dynamic. Takes a little bit of work for the emotional impact to be okay with those emotions, and it also takes work on the defined person's part to be responsible for their emotional wave. And this means recognizing what their needs are, recognizing their boundaries, recognizing when they need time alone, recognizing when they need physical touch, when they need a hug, when they need someone to just sit with them, when they need someone.

To just sit with them and be quiet and not try and fix them, but just to be there with them through those emotions. And also recognizing, you know, with the collective wave that's built on expectations. Are we using language in a way that is supportive of that? Are we being really clear with our expectations and are we clarifying, you know, what the expectations are or what the experience will be like?

Okay, so that is the overview of the emotional dynamic in human design. I could speak a lot more to this, and when we look at charts in combination, Connection. We can also see where we have two emotionally undefined people, or one person who's defined and one who's undefined, and they create more waves when they come together.

So when you are in close proximity to one another, when you are engaging with one another, and this can even be over zoom or over the phone, you know, you are connecting with that person and you create a temporary definition of. One of these emotional waves or more. And so that can come into play too.

So looking at your charts and connection to see if you create a wave between you two can also provide insight. If you don't think that you have an emotional wave in a relationship or if you think that there's just one, there may be more. You you can also have connections that are defined by the transits

as the planets transit, the human design system, they temporarily light up some of these gates, which creates emotional waves at times. And in connection with your chart, it can create emotional waves. So there may be more times where you feel emotional than others, and that may be a play as well.

So there's a lot of pieces to this that are kind of moving and looking at it can be kind of complex, but just. Pull back if you're new to this and look at, do I have an emotional wave or not? And then which one is it? If I have this emotional wave, begin to track it, not it on your calendar. So I tell people to always start with like negative 10 to plus 10, right?

And zero being neutral. If you are feeling neutral, you're kind of feeling absent of any emotion, great. You're, you're in that middle baseline. When you were feeling the highs, how high is it? 10 being the most extreme and negative, 10 being the lowest. Keep track of this over time to see where you are in that wave and how extreme it is.

Over time, you'll get a better idea of how often you feel this and what it feels like when you were in the highs and lows of your waves so that you can respond to that better. Okay. If you want some exercises, there are some in my book, parenting the Child You have in my new workbook that is coming out this fall, fall 2023.

There will be some more information about that. But the biggest thing is just play with it. Notice it, see what is there, and see what you start to pick up on. If this is a new awareness for you, I swear this will blow your mind because this is the biggest piece that I see. People having awareness around, especially the emotionally undefined, you know, you've probably gone your whole life wondering like, why do I feel so emotionally intense?

Why does everybody tell me I'm so emotional? I don't feel like I am that emotional, but everybody puts this label on me. And if that's you, you know, the freedom that can come from understanding. This is huge. So it's helpful for you too, also to track how you're feeling each day. I. Notice where it's coming from.

Does it feel like it's yours? Does it feel like somebody else's start to get in touch with what is true for you? What do your emotions feel like versus what does it feel like when you are picking up on somebody else's emotions? Okay, I have rambled on long enough this week. This is a long one, so I apologize.

I'll try to make the next one shorter, but I have a lot to say about emotions because it is such a fascinating topic and there is so much to it. I hope you've enjoyed it and I will see you next week.